So this is more of a personal post for me, not an update about the church or the ministry, but a sweet revelation that God gave to me today. I want to share it because I have a feeling though you may be in quite a different situation (you are probably not a missionary wife, the wife of a Rwandan, of living in a different culture) I have a feeling that you may still relate. Maybe my revelation can be your revelation today too! So here it is...
I am not a Rwandan woman/wife and that is okay. I can not be everything that a Rwandan wife would be, but I can be the best wife that I know how, as unto the Lord, and that is enough!
Simple revelation right? So why was it so life-changing for me to realize? I love my husband beyond what my words could ever express! And I must make it clear that he has never once said or done anything that would make me think he is expecting me to be just like a "Rwandan wife." Isn't it crazy how we so quickly place expectations upon ourselves that no one else has placed on us?!!! I don't expect him to be an "American" so why would I think that he expects me to be "Rwandan?" Especially since he never said that or even hinted to it!
I can so quickly become discouraged and it brings me to tears when I begin to think of all that I am "not" and all the ways that I can't be a normal Rwandan wife for my husband. We are pastoring a church but I am not your usual pastor's wife by any means and I struggle just to speak to the other women! Even if, and when, I am fluent in Kinyarwanda, I am still white and there are still those cultural barriers. The truth is, I am not Rwandan and I never will be. I can't change that any more than I can change the color of my skin! But that is okay! I realized today that if I keep on thinking that way and keep on seeing all the ways that I am not a typical Rwandan wife for my husband, I will always feel like a failure! I can not change who I am! And after all, I guess if he wanted a Rwandan wife he would not have married me! :)
So I am throwing those thoughts out the window. I will no longer allow myself to think, "if I was Rwandan I would probably do this or that" "I should do this or that because that is what a good Rwandan wife would do..." I am who I am and that is enough!
So here's to being me! Here's to being the best wife that I can be! Here's to loving my husband and respecting him the way that I know how!
I am not a Rwandan woman/wife and that is okay. I can not be everything that a Rwandan wife would be, but I can be the best wife that I know how, as unto the Lord, and that is enough!
Ahhh...that was freeing! You should give it a try yourself! :)
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:) You're so right! It does encourage me too! I have a hard enough time trying to be a wife to someone of my own culture (well, I guess military counts as a different culture, but it's not quite as drastic :) )! I recently determined to read Captivating again, and just the first chapter is such an encouragement, and so different reading it from the perspective of a wife. It's crazy how many expectations we place on ourselves, when we're just created to be us. Love you and miss you!
ReplyDeleteAmen! You are loved just the way you are. And your exactly right! Don't be held captive by your own expectations for yourself.
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