Honesty

I love to write.  I always have.  So why has it been so long since I have written a post on this blog?  Why do I struggle to write our missionary newsletters?  It isn't a lack of time.  It isn't a lack of desire.  It is certainly not because I do not think it matters or is important.  Every single person who prays for us and supports us in any way absolutely deserves to hear from us and to know what is happening.  So what is it?

I grew up reading lots of great books written by amazing and inspirational missionaries.  I was fascinated by their stories of valor and bravery.  I was captured by their adventures and even by their suffering.  I was determined that one day my life too would be a great adventure lived for the glory of God in a far away place.  My heart was in the right place, wanting to do something big for God.  My motive was pure.  I was just incredibly naive!  I was not running away in search of my own "book worthy" tale, I truly wanted to live my life serving Jesus on the mission field and I truly was called to do just that.

But after a little over three and half years on the "field" in Rwanda, I can only say that it has not been anything like what I thought it was going to be.

So the really reason I struggle to write blog posts and newsletters is simply because I somehow feel like the "real" story is not really what anyone wants to hear.  But recently I have been feeling prompted to tell the real story, to be honest about what my life is, and what it is not. 

God does not ONLY receive glory when people do things that we see as "incredible" or "heroic".  I have to believe that He can receive glory in my little life, in my little corner or the world.  I have to believe that my ordinary and sometimes "boring" life, lived for Him is what He is after.  He is not looking for an adventure.  He just wants ordinary people like me and you to live our lives for Him.

Honestly, I get a little annoyed when I read "perfect" little newsletters with the "life is so great and I love every moment of being a missionary" kind of "I am saving the world" attitude.  Why?  Because I know the truth.  The truth is, life is hard in another culture.  The truth is, now that I understand what people are saying when they speak Kinyarwanda around me in public, sometimes they say mean things and I wish I did not understand. The truth is, I get sometimes mad and annoyed when Rwandans treat me differently and feel entitled to ask my for anything from money to my earrings simply because I am white.  The truth is, sometimes I just want to speak English and eat a hamburger!  The truth is sometimes people lie, and sometimes people take advantage of you, and sometimes after you have already given so much, they steal from you too.  Sometimes you do something that doesn't work.  Sometimes you start a project that falls apart.  It's hard to write about those things in newsletters.  It hard to write about failure and mistakes and issues, but that is the truth.

So, I am thinking I want to try turning this blog into a truthful look into missionary life as I am experiencing it.  I will to do so, without dishonoring my family and the Rwandans that I love and serve because I really don't think painting a perfect picture of things is really helping anyone.  So, if you prefer the rose-colored version of what living in Africa is like, I suggest you stop reading this blog and go watch a movie about a safari or something.  If you want to know the ins and out, ups and downs, all for the glory of our great God, then stick around for more!